How Becoming a Coach Made Me a Better Parent

Like many parents, I've always wanted the best for my daughter. As a loving mom (and consultant), I naturally gravitated toward offering her advice. After all, isn't that part of the job description? I imagined my words of wisdom lighting up her path, guiding her through the ups and downs of life. However, reality often had a different plan. My daughter would listen politely, but my advice often fell on deaf ears, leaving me frustrated and wondering why she rarely, if ever, heeded my well-intended suggestions.

The turning point came when I decided to pursue a career in coaching. Initially, my focus was on helping clients navigate professional challenges, improve performance, and achieve their goals. Little did I know, this journey would fundamentally transform not only my professional life but also my approach to parenting.

One of the most profound lessons I learned as a coach is the art of listening—truly listening. Instead of jumping in with solutions, I was trained to talk less and listen more. This shift in approach involved asking powerful and meaningful questions that encouraged my clients to reflect on their own thoughts, express themselves freely, and ultimately arrive at their own conclusions. The beauty of this process is that the solutions they discover are more meaningful and impactful because they come from within.

I began to wonder, what if I applied these coaching techniques at home? What if, instead of offering unsolicited advice, I created a space for my daughter to explore her own thoughts and feelings? So, I decided to give it a try.

The next time my daughter came to me with a problem, I resisted the urge to jump in with advice. Instead, I asked open-ended questions like, "How do you feel about that?" and "What do you think would be the best way to handle this?" At first, it was challenging to hold back, but the results were astonishing. My daughter began to open up more, sharing her thoughts and feelings in a way she hadn't before. She started to find her own solutions, which she valued far more than any advice I could have given her.

This experience was a game-changer for our relationship. By shifting from a directive approach to a coaching approach, I was able to connect with my daughter on a deeper level. She felt heard and valued, and I felt a new sense of fulfillment as a parent. It wasn't just about her taking my advice; it was about her growing and learning in her own unique way.

Reflecting on this journey, I invite you to consider your own experiences with well-intended advice given to family members, friends, colleagues, or even direct reports. How often do you find yourself frustrated when your advice isn't taken? What if, instead of advising, you adopted a coaching approach?

By talking less and listening more, and by asking powerful questions that encourage reflection and self-expression, you can help others come to their own conclusions. This approach not only fosters independence and confidence but also strengthens relationships. It can transform the way you communicate, leading to better results and more meaningful connections both personally and professionally.

So, the next time you're tempted to offer advice, take a step back and try asking a question instead. You might be surprised at the results. After all, sometimes the best way to help someone is to empower them to help themselves.